Looking forward to seeing you in the discussion forum!

Best,

Traveling With T

Like most of you, I'm an avid (if not somewhat fanatical) reader and a book blogger. My blog just celebrated it's second blogiversary, but I still consider myself a newbie blogger.

I enjoy reading from a variety of different genres and am always open to suggestions and trying a new-to-me author or genre. Favorite genres (at the moment) include: Mystery, Suspense, Thriller, Romantic Suspense, Contemporary Fiction, Historical Fiction, YA and Classic Literature. Some of my favorite reads are: To Kill a Mockingbird, Jane Eyre, The Girl Who Fell From the Sky, The Cove, Defending Jacob, All These Things I've Done, Cinder, and The Flight of Gemma Hardy (to name just a few...okay it's a lot, but you get the picture).

Again, many thanks for coming and talking about And Then I Found You!

Hope to see you both in May as we discuss Orphan Train!

I'm sorry it's taken me some time to get back over here!

Excellent point about FB. You're right- no has to be on FB. And Elena didn't have to help Emily search. I think, though, for Elena- that now that it was some knowledge- it was almost too much temptation- and that she wanted Emily to be with her, to include her in this- instead of "sneaking around".

Re: Jack and Luna- yes, he was struggling- and I think Katie probably added extra pressure to his struggle. The fear of being hurt is very powerful!

Re: Social media and adoption: IDK if there is a perfect arrangement to this  type of thing now- some families prob would want to be found, others not. But I think some agreements and guidelines should be in place for everyone's safety/concern

Re: the future: KDRCowgirl, ugh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's got to be so hard- you are in my thoughts!

YES! I agree about Rowan being disappointed.

Kate "resting/growin-up" YES- exactly!

I also loved this book and discussion...thanks so much..so fun! Looking forward to the next discussion, that book looks wonderful too!

Surgery went well.  He thinks he got all the scar tissue and I should get my feeling back at some point in my hand.  I'm way more functional than I thought I'd be.  Fine motor stuff like typing and texting is pretty much the same.  It's the bigger gross motor stuff that's a little painful like making a fist around big objects or picking up heavy objects.  But doing well.  Thanks!

Can't wait to read the next book.  It looks really good!

Kim

travelingwitht said:

KDRCowgirl

 

No, the site does not shut down over the weekend. I find on the weekend that most ppl are not chatting (busy with family, etc) BUT I do check in on the weekends to see if anything is posted.

 

I did see that you had attempted to post something- but it did not post correctly. On your home computer do you Internet Explorer as your browser? IE does not work well with this site- it's just all wonky acting! So I figured that was what happened!

 

How is your recovery going from the carpal tunnel surgery?

Travelingwitht: 3. YES! Katie had changed. She had crossed a line. She had become a mother. BUT do you think that in some ways- she changed her name b/c of 2 things: it was "Katie" who had Luna and she wanted to distance herself from that as much as possible? AND That she was Katie with Jack- and she couldn't be with Jack anymore so that was another way of shedding a layer, of growing up some more, of becoming a new person?

Wow!  What a good point!  I hadn't thought of that but I have done that myself with issues in my life that I wanted to bury and forget.

Leigh Ann 2. Time heals all wounds, but still often leaves a scar. Some wounds take much longer to heal, some become wounds that continually get irritated, some become a life story. But, there is some form of healing. It just doesn't look the same for everyone.

Well put!  I think sometimes too we try to forget the ones that leave the biggest scar which is hard to do.  And the complication of life? - like you said everyone is different.

Travelingwitht: * Is FB the fear of every adoptive parent now? Is every bio-parent a fan of FB? What about bio-parents who never want to be found?  Is Elena's thoughts/feelings understandable? Does she have Emily's best interest at heart?

I think it certainly makes it easier for people to be found but no one HAS to be on facebook.  Elena didn't have to let Emily get on FB and search.  She could have let her search another way or had her think on it first.  Kate didn't have to be on FB either.  But without FB there are other searching ways.  I think it may be an issue that will come up sooner or later in every adopted child's life.

Travelingwitht: 2. After Jack meets Emily for the first time- he tells Kate "this has to end here". Thoughts on that?

He seems to still be struggling with keeping his life separate from Luna.  And possibly keeping himself from being hurt by Kate again.

Travelingwitht: 3. When Luna was adopted, social media was not around. Now SM is a huge thing. Will adoptive/bio-families have to add social media clauses in the contracts between them during adoption?  Should they? How does social media affect a closed adoption?

I think it is still an individual situation decision but it definitely factors in.  The key element is when the child finds out they are adopted I think they almost always have questions they want answered.  They want to know why and finding those answers takes different paths.

Travelingwitht: 4. Sometimes the future is just further aways than what we want it to be. – Thoughts?

Uh Amen!  I'm struggling with putting my "looks" back together after being what I called "ravaged by a diagnosis of cancer through the resulting treatments."  My long hair can't come back quick enough!  I want to just get there so bad.  I know it's in the future but I can't stand looking in the mirror everyday waiting.  Talk about a scar!  This one is one I want to bury and forget ASAP!

Travelingwitht: 5. Why I understand Kate's choice about Luna- was Kate's parents wrong to want to keep Luna? Were they only really thinking of themselves? Or was Kate wrong in not considering that option more? Or was there really no wrong feelings- just ppl that were trying to figure out the best possible outcome of this situation?

I've felt the same as Kate.  When you feel like you are making the right decision and everyone is against you.  I think they each were trying to make the best decision for everyone.  But I think there is a selfish component in each one.  There has to be when we make decisions since they affect us and others.

Travelingwitht: 1. Kate and Rowan re:the adoption? Was Kate wrong to keep Luna a secret? Is Rowan entitled to know everything about Kate's past? Finding out about Luna, is Rowan entitled to feel mad, angry about the deception? Or is it really deception? Is it more grey area discussion? Discuss!

I got the impressiong that Rowan was possibly more disappointed that Kate couldn't share a big secret with him when he was about to propose to her.  I don't think it was intentional deception on her part.  I think maybe she was trying to handle it so that everyone ended up the best way possible just like in the beginning with deciding to adopt the baby out.  I think if Rowan wants to know everything about Kate's past then there should be a straight up conversation on it and he has to be honest too.

Travelingwitht: 2. Is Jack wrong for not telling Maggie about Luna? Would Maggie knowing about Luna helped/hurt their marriage?

Hmm this is hard.  I think he had his reasons one being he thought the door was closed for good.  I recently read another book about an adopted girl whose father never knew about her until she came looking for answers.  I'm wondering if Jack felt he wasn't in control of the situation because Kate was so he just didn't need to tell Maggie.  I'm not sure it would have helped the marriage but I'm also not sure the marriage wasn't doomed to begin with.  It seems like they maybe rushed it a bit almost like Jack was trying to move on with his life quickly.

Now if he had been up front before the marraige that may have made a great difference.  Again like with Rowan and Kate I think Jack and Maggie should have had a sit down deep conversation about who they were and things in the past ie his relationship with Kate.  Since he didn't it still makes me think he rushed into his marriage with Maggie.  I think Maggie deserved to know that he was with Kate again and that there were unresolved feelings going on.  I think Maggie deserved to know that he basically cheated on her before they got married.  Another one of those festering wounds?  I'm not married but I do know that marriage counseling is recommended before marriage so maybe that would have helped to bring these things to light?

Travelingwitht:3. Elena's note to Kate: I'm asking you to give us some space to be what we've always been- her parents. Thoughts?

Ug!  What a knife to Kate's heart!  I can understand why Elena said that.  I mean I don't have kids at all but even I know how hard teenagers are!    But it did keep reading thinking wasn't there maybe a nicer way to say it?  It hurt my heart!

Travelingwitht:Kate with Jack at end: running Luna. Did she find her "dreamer spirit" or was just resting- waiting for her to find Jack and Luna/Emily again?

I think this was another incidence of the wound needing healing again.  Also I think maybe not so much resting as growing up to be the person she needed to be with Jack and to have Luna in her life which she wasn't equipped or mature enough to be before.

Kim

No, the site does not shut down over the weekend. I find on the weekend that most ppl are not chatting (busy with family, etc) BUT I do check in on the weekends to see if anything is posted.

I did see that you had attempted to post something- but it did not post correctly. On your home computer do you Internet Explorer as your browser? IE does not work well with this site- it's just all wonky acting! So I figured that was what happened!

How is your recovery going from the carpal tunnel surgery?

I look forward to discussing May's selection, Orphan Train, with you all!

Best,

Traveling With T

Kim

1. I think he loved Maggie. But I think somewhere along the line, Maggie began changing, wanting more than he had, or a different life than he wanted. And that led to their divorce.

2. Some wounds never really heal imo- maybe it's because you can't move past what happened. Maybe you can't forgive yourself. But I do think that majority of wounds time heals.

3. YES! Katie had changed. She had crossed a line. She had become a mother. BUT do you think that in some ways- she changed her name b/c of 2 things: it was "Katie" who had Luna and she wanted to distance herself from that as much as possible? AND That she was Katie with Jack- and she couldn't be with Jack anymore so that was another way of shedding a layer, of growing up some more, of becoming a new person?

4. Empowering her negatively? Hmm, I never thought of it that way- but I can see what you mean. I think she wanted this to be a choice, a gift, a knowledge that Luna deserved more than what she could give. Because while in the strictest sense of the words- yes, Katie gave Luna away- but "giving her away" sounds like she didn't want her.  It's a guiilt thing as well, and Katie, I think, knew that there would always be a part of her that if she kept Luna- she kept her for L being her last tie to Jack- which would have multiplied her feelings of guilt, of worrying about Luna having a good life with her way too much.

1. Yes! That about sums up the Kate/Rowan thing right there! As I said earlier, I think Kate could have been happy with Rowan for years- as long as it stayed basically status quo- but Rowan, had developed long term feelings for her (re:WIFE feelings). However, had he developed feelings for the real Kate? Or the Kate that she let him see (I think it's the latter!) 

It's hard to know when the time to tell a secret is. In a perfect world, there are no secrets. But life is not perfect- so sooner is better than later- but still.

Do you think Rowan could have tolerated the "secret" and the rest of the interaction between Jack and Kate if he had not had to drive to Alabama and find them? And that being how Kate finally told him? Would it have been better to hear about Luna on Kate's terms instead of having her hand forced? Or was having her hand forced the only way that Kate was going to tell him about Luna?

2. I don't know if I was Maggie how I would have taken all this ( as shameful as this sounds, I'd have to say that I'd probably have some screaming, some shouting, maybe even throw some things before I could get level-headed and really think). I think that Jack should have told her. I think he should have had the hard convo. I think Maggie should have been told so she could weigh did she want to stay or go? But, I ALMOST understand why he didn't tell. Almost.

3. As I told Leigh Ann, I'm so torn over this. I see Elena- and I understand the writing. I see Kate at home reading it and heartbroken. But I also see Elena heartbroken as well. For the most part, I think both women were handling it with as most grace as (and Emily's best interest) as they could.

4. Oh PCH- you should see my work area! I've got notes scribbled, quotes on paper, a notebook that I've been writing in- and pens everywhere. I'm thinking next time I need a flow chart :)

Thanks for looking all the info up- I wonder how many ppl give up their search due to "red tape", "legal road blocks", and things of that nature!

To the Thoughts for Friday:

1. I think after 4 years that Kate should have told Rowan, personally. At a certain age in life, there's "dating" then there is "DATING" and I think given the age, the length of years, etc that Rowan should have been told- just so he knew. In case it was a "dealbreaker" for him. BUT, on the other hand, I can also see Kate's reasons for not telling- because, I do believe that she thought of Rowan in the "dating" category- as someone she could happily spend the next several years with- but not necessarily as any more serious than status quo they were at. So it's complicated. VERY!

2. 100% Jack should have told Maggie. It's something you tell b/c a secret like that, if it comes out, more like WHEN it comes out- is something that has potential to cause problems. But Leigh Ann re: telling Maggie before Jack married her- if I remember correctly(my bk is at home) while Jack and Katie slept together before he married Maggie; Katie did not tell him he she was pregnant till after he married Maggie.

3. I'm so glad you are chiming in on that thought- since I know you can see both sides with your history. I'm so torn. I can see Elena's POV. But I can also see Kate's. And, I'll be honest, as I read that- I almost wondered if Elena wasn't lying or at least exaggerating the situation. It's very complex!

Leigh Ann said:

Question for Patti Callahan Henry:

I was unable to read the true version of the book since I don't have a reader or anything..still read the paper books! Did your sister have a real "Rowan" and "Jack" in her life that this story modeled after...and later marry the father of her child..or is that part the fiction?

---

LeighAnn -- What wonderful thoughts on the subject. I can tell this is close to your heart!
 

pch

Jack and Rowan are pure imagination. My sister is married with two teen boys! I veered greatly from the "real" romances in life as I wanted to respect the privacy of all those involved.

pch